There are two things that will define someone. The patience when they have nothing, and the humility when they have everything.
I remember one evening when you and I talked, you kept telling me how proud you were of me, and how I've done so much to make you proud. It was actually March of 2009 when this conversation took place. We were talking about what I could do to get more business for detailing cars because the economy wasn't the greatest at the time, and folks spending money to have their vehicle cleaned was not that popular. We also talked about possibility of moving back to Chicago to try it out there. Our conversation was pretty much the same as it always was. You tell me how proud you are and how great I'm doing in life, and I listen and only believe half of what I hear. Actually, this particular evening I didn't believe any of what you were saying. What you never knew is that after we got off the phone, I pulled into a familiar parking spot up north off Lake City Way, turned off the car, put on my heavy coat, and went to sleep. I never had the nerve to tell you that for a short amount of time that I slept in my car. Knowing you, you would have sent me money to get a place right away. I never wanted you to worry about me though. I would always paint a picture to you and to everybody else just how great things were for me.
Are they great now? I'd say things are better, but not great. Ya see, the truth is, I really miss you man. It's so much harder than I thought this would be. Even when I was living in my car for the short amount of time, I was never really scared because I knew that if things really got bad you were there. Well you're not here anymore and it's scary as hell. There's so many things that I want to run by you. Am I doing this right? That right? So many things I want to tell you. I've set some goals recently that I just need you here to tell me that I will reach them. Man!!!! This shit is hard. I guess the saying, "Life ain't fair" is real huh? Financially things are better, but man my heart hurts so much without you hear.
This will be the second Father's Day without you. Hey, do you remember the time that I got a carton of Viceroy cigarettes and wrapped them in aluminum foil for your gift for Father's Day? The crazy thing is I thought it was a good idea until I gave it to you. By the way, did you smoke them or throw them away? Either way, I think about that terrible idea for a gift all the time. As for Baby Gee, he's fine. He's doing exactly, I mean exactly what you said he would do. Zion, same thing. Following in his brother's footsteps. He started high school spring football out there with his brother. He loves it! Loves competing, and I can tell how great he wants to be.
As for me, I'm ok. Just a bit tough realizing that losing you wasn't the hardest part, but rather the realization that I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I won't talk to you again is.
Happy Father's Day Dad!! I really miss you. One last thing. The other day Kim and I were talking, and like always we were telling stories about you as our father. We both remember you telling us, "Now listen, I ain't leaving you nothing when I'm gone so that's why I'm giving you all I have while I'm here. There won't be a Will cause I won't have nothing to leave y'all. Unless I win the lottery, and even then we going to spend that before I go."
I appreciate you for reading, love ya for that, until next time..