For the first time in my life, I have the Final Answer. All my life I have had my father here for that stamp of approval. Someone that I could run something by. Actually, as I'm writing this, I realize really what it was. Ya see, both my sister and I have no fear. We're not afraid to fail at all. I saw a quote today that said, "You can be comfortable or courageous, but you can't be both." I just had no fear.. Wanna go clean the Seattle Seahawks cars, go ask. Just that simple. Wanna be an auctioneer, go to school. Didn't matter, never afraid to fail. So I guess it's the support system for us that's gone.
I've noticed all week at work I have been really hyper. More so than I've ever been. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a blast, but when I leave, and I'm by myself, I try to be busy. I'm busy, but I'm busy doing nothing. No progress on anything outside of work. I have projects that I need to get to, but they are just sitting there. Does that make any sense? I've been busy doing nothing, with no progress. I'm sure I'll get to it. I also notice that I'm different around people than I am when I'm alone. So many emotions happen to me throughout the course of a day. I'm mad, sad, angry, happy, and that can all be in a matter of 30 minutes. The one that sticks out to me is fear. I'll tell ya about that in a sec.
I've done two auctions over the last two weeks. The UNCF and Kindering. Usually after an event, that would be the time that I would check my text and my dad would say, "Hey Champ, call me on your way home. I'll be up." That was his time to ask me about the event. Now, understand, if I didn't call him, I'm gonna hear. He's gonna tell me how he was worried about me. My sister and I dealt with that all the time. Lol.. Nuts!! I'm a grown ass man, and he was worried about me. I would call and he would be so happy. He wanted to know everything. He would say, "Hold on Champ, let me get situated. I want to hear all about this. Well here's what I found out when I went home just recently. While at my father's house, on his table there where he would sit, there were envelopes on the table. It's where he did everything. Paid bills, talk on the phone, and even eat. Well, on a few of these envelopes, there was stuff that he and I talked about. Conversations we would have, and he was writing notes. So basically, when he was getting situated, he was taking notes. He would take those notes so that he could brag to his friends about his son. Wow, that man was amazing. Yes, I took those envelopes and brought them with me. It's a reminder of how proud he was of me.
One emotion that I can't shake has been fear. Fear of not being the best that I can be. Ya see, I've always had someone that I wanted to make proud of me. He was that. However, another part of me feels like I'm about to soar in life. I really feel things are so much more clear on what I need to do. Again, emotions all over. Hell, even you reading this right now probably think I'm nuts. Lol. That's ok, you're still reading, so you have some kinda love for me. Wink...
Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful to have had him. He did so much for me. My friend Mo Kelly said it best the other day.. "Your father gave you everything there is so that you can do the same for your sons."
I leave you with a little story. The other day when I was done with my show, I was getting ready to leave. As I was leaving by the front desk, there was a few people that were there. I gave a goodbye to everyone, like I always do, and when I was leaving out, Ashley says, "Have a good day Champ." I tell you what, that little gesture was the best. It made me feel like my father was letting me know that he was with me. Now, I realize that Ashley knows that that's what my father called me, the same way that you knew that he called me that. However, it meant everything to me. I still felt my father with me at that time.
Hey, don't worry, all my blogs from here on out won't be about my dad. Maybe I'll tell you about my sons and how they're doing. As for me, I just feel better now cause I was able to write and tell you about the most wonderful man in the world.
Anyways, I really appreciate you for reading, love ya for that...
Until next time,